Batteries Not Required: Gifts to buy yourself as recommended by a Recently Divorced Woman
I could recommend some gifts that require batteries, but my family reads this
For the first time in my life, I am saving money to buy a house. I’m a frugal gal so I’ve never been one to spend a lot of money on myself, but it is a whole other mindset when the words DOWN PAYMENT appear in my head every time I order takeout.
But as someone who is about to begin again, who will literally be starting the New Year in a New Place, I’ve thinking about, well, me. It’s been an enlightening and somewhat terrifying and occasionally painful undertaking the past year to think about what I really want my life to be.
When I was in tenth grade, there was a journal writing prompt in my creative writing class about loud music. Here is what the first sentence in a notebook only my teacher and I would be reading said: I LOVE loud music!!! Guys, I hate loud music. I always have. It’s one of the (many) reasons I prefer live music in hole in the wall bars instead of concert venues. I just straight up lied to myself and my favorite teacher because— I was a teenager and I guess I thought I was supposed to love loud music? But I knew it was a lie and I wrote an entire journal entry dedicated to this untruth about myself. It would not be the last time I tried to fit into molds that didn’t quite suit me but as I near this next chapter of my life as an almost 40-year-old divorcée, I am reminding myself I can keep the music as quiet as I damn well please.
When the poet Mary Oliver asked, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” she probably didn’t mean are you going to buy these ridiculous Halloween socks that you don’t need but make you happy but perhaps she did. Maybe she is not just asking what your big plans are to make your life joyful but is asking how you’re going to show up for yourself in little ways too.
So, if like me, you sometimes forget that you only get this one wild and precious life and its ok to not put ten more dollars in your house fund and buy yourself a fancy bar drink instead, this is the gift guide for you. You don’t have to be on the verge of a new life, or ending a difficult time to enjoy these things but if you see your local liquor store is about to be out of the good whiskey, leave that last bottle for us lonely people, ok?
A donation to your local animal rescue
Will this help you forget that your ex stole your dog? Absolutely not. But it will buy food for a dog that will probably be stolen by someone else’s ex someday and that’s special.
Little packs of stickers from Amazon
I am loath to give Jeff Bezo’s more money, but the man knows how to curate a tiny sticker collection. I have bought several under the guise of buying them for the children in my life and then kept most of them. I just bought one of my nephews a pack, went through it and took out all the ones I liked! I have no shame! Here are two I think are fun: These Bugs and These Flowers
Writer’s Tears Whiskey
When I was in my early twenties, I forced myself to start drinking shitty beer because it was the cheapest thing at the bar and this year, I bought myself a $150 bottle of this whiskey. Middle age is great! And so is this. You can buy me, er, yourself a bottle here or at most liquor stores.
A Blankie
Don’t you mean a blanket? No, I do not. I have this blanket that I bought several years ago at the greatest store, Tjmaxx, and at first, I was just mildly obsessed with it. It is my perfect blanket, thin, but not too thin. But now it is worn in. It is thin AND cozy. It is fraying because it is loved. It has been on a train and to several different states. It has been comforting during a time when I have felt very little comfort. This is the brand of mine but really any blanket that comforts you can be a blankie.
Good coffee
I realize this is subjective, but can we all just agree Starbucks is really not that good? If you are a coffee drinker, occasionally you should treat yourself to something other than The Usual and What Is On Sale. My Go-To is Community Coffee Golden Caramel and Swell Joe Snicker Dude and of course, I’ll always recommend visiting your local coffee shop over a chain.
6. A love board
My particular love board — a canvas with birds on it and string to hang photos— is not available anymore but there are so many options, like these from Target. My love board mostly stays the same but occasionally has rotations or things get added. Currently it holds photos of my most favorite people, kids’ drawings, a poem from my pen pal, two dried flowers, a crocheted flower my cousin made, a tissue that has lipstick prints from my Mammaw, tarot cards, a print of two texts that made me laugh, a necklace my dad bought me, two postcards and two feathers. It is not usually this full, but I’ve been extra loved lately. Very few things make me as happy as looking at this board every day.
A good pair of sneakers
It really is disgusting how much better exercise makes you feel!! Don’t worry, I am not about to get preachy because exercise people are the worst, but walking has really done so much for my mental health. I have had a bad day and took a five-minute walk in an office parking and felt better. For a long time, I never cared what kind of sneakers I had because I’m “not a runner” but your non running feet like a little comfort too (pro-tip: date someone who is a runner and sometimes they will order too many good sneakers and give you the ones they don’t like). I’m a big fan of my Under Armour Sneakers
Sweatpants
Ideally, one should obtain all their favorite sweatpants from the people they’ve dated because as everyone knows, the coziest of clothing belongs to the person you are dating/fucking/used to date. But if the need should arise to buy new sweatpants, (perhaps because in a fit of sorrow and rage you donated/burned your best sweatpants), I recommend these.
An impulse buy
Truly this can be anything. Do you think you should not buy it? Incorrect. If for a split second you think that would make me happy, you should do it. Here is the story of my recent impulse happy buy: An account I follow on Instagram is a woman who sells plants locally in Baltimore. She recently collaborated with a local glass artist, and they sold plants with spooky/Halloween glass sticks. I love plants and I love Halloween but for some reason I desperately needed to have these specific things. So, on a random Tuesday I drove 20 minutes to a stranger’s house to pick up a plant with a glass ghost in it. I was early for the pickup. I found a bar that had a very Golden Girls vibe and had a cocktail and ate a tiny cheese plate. I walked in a part of Baltimore I had never been before. For less than $50 I got something from two local artists, found a cool bar and had a new experience. If your impulse buy is just a magazine at the grocery store, that’s ok too. The point is, don’t always deny yourself because something seems “ridiculous”. If you are in Baltimore, you can find my favorite plant lady here.
A night at a hotel by yourself
I saved this one for last because it is my favorite. The first time I intentionally stayed by myself at a hotel— meaning I did it just for the sake of doing it— was last Christmas Eve. On the way to the hotel, I picked up my favorite York, Pennsylvania specialty, fried cauliflower from Round The Clock Diner. I was in my robe by 6pm. I read and drank festive booze and watched Christmas movies. I couldn’t believe I had never done this for myself before. The hotel itself was trash— my door didn’t have a dead bolt, they asked us to bring our dirty towels to the lobby. I didn’t care. I shoved that desk chair under the door handle and called it a night. There is something magical about a hotel stay, even a bad one. I’ve done this a few times now and I get a thrill every time I stay in a town I am familiar with. Will I run into someone I know at the grocery store getting my hotel snacks? It is freeing to be in a place that is close to home with no expectation to see anyone because you are just resting, vacationing, alone-timing. Sorry I couldn’t see you this time, I was spending time with me.
There is something endearing about a shitty continental breakfast—nothing has ever been more rubbery than that sausage but why is the orange juice so good?! People will try to scare you with those segments about what hotel rooms look like under black lights and I am here to tell you to ignore all that. Life is too short to care about what you can see under a black light. If you are a millennial, you’ve probably been in a boy’s basement with black lights and fuzzy posters, and I guarantee that is worse.
I decided I would continue my Christmas Eve tradition as long as I was able to financially—no matter where I am or who I am with—because it makes me happy.
This year, my hotel room will have a fireplace. I will substitute my fried food for a martini at the bar. I don’t know yet if I’ll like it more and that’s the adventure —I get to decide, all on my own.
As always, thankful for all of you reading my words. I think about giving up on writing all the time, but I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t a writer. In a traditional sense, I’m not one, but y’all make me one and I am forever grateful. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving if you celebrate. XOXO.